Curiosity #90: Mother of G

Indonesia, Religion, Travel, Uncategorized

He would wait for the right moment to tell his mother he was gay. It wouldn’t be easy, not in a country where homosexuality was considered a contagion and anti-LGBTQ violence went unpunished.

“I plan to get settled with someone first, then tell her,” said G, spooning soy-sauce-battered egg and rice into his mouth. “I think she’ll accept it, but it might take awhile.”

G and I sat at a street-side tent restaurant, where we looked out at the night scene of Bandung, West Java. G had been living here for two years after graduating from college and stabilizing himself as a fashion designer. After over two months East Flores, my first glimpse of tall buildings and metropolitan streets had the effect of swallowing me like a casino.

G arranged for my transportation from the city of Bandung to his mother’s house in the neighboring city of Purwakarta, where we would meet again on the day of our mutual friend’s wedding.

When I arrived at G’s childhood home, G’s mother greeted me by leaning on the door-frame. I could tell she wasn’t your typical Indonesian “ibu”. She wore a sexy black tank top that hugged her tiny frame, with lace at the bust showing off a boney chest pumped up by a semi-visible bra. Her shorts rode well up her thigh and a trail of smoke followed her sweeping hand like a ribbon. An arm looped around me, then another, and all at once I was overwhelmed by the press of bone and menthol.

“Welcome home, Mommy wants you to stay for weeks, months! Come inside. G said you like vegetables, so Mommy made some tofu and chili sauce!”

We entered her living room, which also functioned as a guest and TV room. Glass glimmered in cabinets, dormant as a painting, while dull furniture sat like domestic animals. These looked lived-in, but had that musk of hand-me-down wood. She told me that this house was part of an inherited family complex, and that her siblings and in-laws occupied the neighboring apartments. “But we’re different, so I rarely socialize with them.”

She seemed afraid of “catching” a case of conservatism, and in a sense I understood what it meant to distance oneself from unwanted influences. Wasn’t I in Indonesia to temporarily distance myself from individualism (a leap that seems comical, now). In the days I stayed in Purwakarta, traveling between G’s mom’s house and the site of my friend’s wedding, I caught glimpses of the female in-laws. They never traveled beyond the meatball stand at the main road, and often sat together in their door frames looking out from periwinkle veils that masked their figures down to their waist.

“The saddest is my cousin’s wife, who is forbidden from doing many things by her husband,” said G’s mom, shaking her head. “She comes here sometimes to help make cakes. When you’re cooped up, you know nothing about the outside world. Look at her sad face, her pillowing body. Such a pity. She doesn’t even know that foreigners eat rice!”

G’s mom held a vision for transcending social pressures, and also for staying young. A consultant for alternative medicine who worked for $2 an hour, she had questionable theories about health, especially as they were usually delivered through clouds of smoke, but they were entertaining to listen to and worked for her just fine.

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Mama Tells Me

A) Wear what you like

“Daddy wouldn’t like it if I wore a long veil like my siblings,” G’s mom said. She ran the back of her hand down her body, which, at 50, had born two children but was as petite as a barren yogi’s. “When I started dating Daddy, I asked him, does it bother you that I don’t dress like other women? He said he likes the way I dress, because it looks ‘right’ on me.”

I knew G’s biological father had left the family when his sister was still an infant, and I wondered the steps G’s mother took to recover her self-esteem. Her fashion outside the house consisted of jeans and vests, snatched out of a teen pop magazine. It suited her—her stride was light and airy, so when we moved around the kitchen or traditional market I often forgot who was the younger.

B) Stay Active

“Every day, after we go to the market to sell soft cakes, Mommy and Daddy go to the park to exercise.” We entered a park surrounded by a quarter-mile promenade on which some people paced and jogged. At the center of the promenade was a pond featuring at its center the statue of Prabu Kian Santang, praised sultan of Purwakarta’s ancient kingdom.

Daddy took one lap around the promenade before plopping down, panting. Mommy and I walked side by side, passing up teenage girls whose veils mis-matched their exercise pants, and whose clothes bunched up around consistently heavy frames. “Don’t be like that,” Mommy said. “Once you start being ashamed of your body, you let it go.”

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C) Everything revolves around happiness

“If you’re not happy, you’ll never find it,” she said, when she saw me scrambling around for my credit card. I wiped a collection of sweat from my forehead, hand deep in my backpack. On the brink of resign, I was not in the mood for a pep talk, but G’s mom peered over me to advise in earnest:

“Mommy tells her patients, if we are not happy, our head is not at peace, and we will never find what we’re looking for.” I tried to smile. Needless to say, even after a short rest and a coconut-sugar crepe, I did not find my credit card.

There were parts of her “happy talk” that I was willing to buy. Didn’t studies confirm that our immune system responded to stress? How far did that theory go? Mommy says, among things that happiness cured were high cholesterol, cancer, malaria. Addiction, of course, was easier to cure than missing credit cards. “When we are happy, all the bad things stay away,” she said.

Take it Home

During G’s mom’s impromptu lessons on happiness, she would pop in questions about G. She asked me what his dreams were, where he wanted to travel, and I could only relay his updates from the first evening I spent with him. He rarely opened up to her, she said, for reasons she didn’t understand. But he showed he cared by sending an allowance to his younger sister so she could continue her college education without concern for money.

“He’s a good boy. Comes home just for the food, and getting fatter, but a good boy. And he gets looks for those clothes he wears. I just want him to be happy,” she said.

I knew there was much she wanted to say to him in person; that she knew her son’s gender-transcending was a bit “different”, and she was ready to hear whatever secret kept him at a distance. I knew G was happy living as an out gay man, but would he be happier if his mom accepted it, along with his taste for Hillary-esque pantsuits?

Before I left, G’s mom threw her house gowns at me, saying “You like them? Wear them. Mommy likes sex dresses, I have no use for mumus.” Indeed she seemed to have an endless selection of sexy lingerie. It wouldn’t deprive her of anything to drape myself in vibrant cotton like the traditional housewives, not when she pranced around the living room like a Victoria’s Secret mini-model. “You wear the mumus, ya,” she said, hugging me in her see-through mesh top, “when you want to remember me.”

Mommy still sends pictures of her posing with her hubby, and I wonder if I’ll ever be conserved in beauty and energy like a rare insect in a capsule. I do know that when I wear the mumus I am happier, a bit frumpier, and full of memories. In the cheap cotton I can feel a mother’s love for her child, reserved most of all for G—a blessing that both her “children” might remember when we go to sleep at night, and in the morning when we wake up to find ourselves.

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Mazes and Labyrinths – the Myth of Direction

Uncategorized

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He leaned over the coffee table, batik revealing just a little belly above his waist. The fried horderves and avocado had been cleared, and on a doily-like cloth sat a plate of papaya smelling of soiled legs. Into my glass he poured a few shots of margarita mix, channelling the living room light like a bulb of emerald candy.

His face had grown less owlish since he tried to kiss me in his car. This was when he took me out for barbeque fish and candelabra-lit juice, and I used every back muscle to lever myself out of a hug that hadn’t known breasts in years (I wasn’t surrendering anything), beneath the shade of my church tree.

I still wanted to find in him my grandfather, who I otherwise envisioned as a leaf somewhere, crumpled and brown, but actually dead, really dead, haunting me with memories of goodbye kisses in front of Danish boat paintings.

As I took my first sip from the margarita glass I watched him stand from his armchair, emitting a little grunt as he rose. He shuffled in slippers toward his wife, who had fallen asleep in the chair to my left. Barely sixty, she suffered a stroke that laid her fragile. He often, sometimetimes endearingly, called her “crazy”, delegated her need for bathing-assistance to his children. Now he dutifully supported her weight beneath her elbows and escorted her across the living room, at last lowering her onto the mattress in front of the television, where protagonists from “The Mahabharata” jingled.

When he returned to the coffee table, he put his paw on my knee. Now where were we? The wisdom of the Kancil folktales? The tiers of propriety leading from here to the heavens?

Was he my grandpa in his rocking chair, telling me The New Yorker wasn’t for dummies?

I had gotten used to the grey parameters of his teeth. They, too, matched my late grandfather’s, only my grandfather’s were yellow. They had the same way of twinkling when they lent a sip of something forbidden, or when they let gleam a hint of youth.

Absorbing the heat of the early afternoon, I let the margharita cradle my idleness. I confessed my urge—coming from my American drive—to leave company in order to create.

He said, there is a saying in Java that reminds us to “follow the flow of the river.” We believe here that if something is meant to happen, it will come to fruition in due time. We don’t have to be the log and the current.

From the mattress, his wife guffawed at the television, and my eyes fixated on the framed shadow puppet pegged on the wall: the wise Semar, crafted—regardless of modern deviations in the chosen epic—with his finger pointing forward.

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Curiosity #72: Guilt Never Goes Dry

Anthropology, Indonesia, Religion, Travel

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Thank God the religious archipelago still prizes stories over science. Despite the fact that there are several geological factors that lead to water shortages in Gunung Kidul, nobody in Java gives a damn. Instead the locals cling to two old tales that pin the local people at fault, and God (with his handy saints) on high.

Back when trespassing wasn’t a concept, an old beggar stopped by a widow’s home to ask for water. He wished to rinse his soles, because even Muslims even who are uneducated and homeless know that God hates dirty feet. He knelt before the widow, who sat weaving on her porch, and asked for some water to cleanse himself. When Mbok Rondo (“Mrs. Widow”) ignored him, the beggar drew his breath, spurned. Was it too much to ask for a little acknowledgement?

Stooped to a reverent kneel, the beggar renewed his efforts to earn Mbok Rondo’s attention. He waved his hand (in the only abracadabra known to ancient South-East Asia), at last blurting aloud that a pond had magically appeared in the widow’s back yard. On the house. But the widow didn’t want to hear absurdities from a rag-of-a-man who made a living by whining his way from home to home, a lifestyle she imagined charred away whatever sense or use he might have otherwise tucked away inside those old bones. The widow mumbled a rebuff into the stitches of her weaving, something that might translate to “Stupid old kook. Full of crap!”

Too bad kooks can sometimes be saints. The old beggar, who was among the revered Javanese spiritual figures known as the “Wali Songo,” frothed at the woman’s appalling hospitality. Before disappearing like a Las Vegas magician, he cursed the region of Rongkop and sucked the already thirsty land dry.

In another tale, upon otherwise parched land there was an old pond of rainwater, in which people farmed fish and took their drinking rations from the same sordid hole (but hey, it was better than the chalk-loaded eau-de-fatale that came up from the wells). It’s said there was a spirit, or danyang, who guarded the lake to make sure it never evaporated.

Maybe it was because the resident spirit was an illusive, pretty thing. Or maybe it was because Indonesian Muslims were weathering nudges from the Middle East telling them to trash their local spirituality. But for whatever reason, some men in the region of Rongkop conspired to lure the danyang from the water. With the help of a shaman, they coaxed the spirit from the pond.

The shaman’s spells were overpowering. The danyang waded from the reservoir’s center like a Bond girl on an abandoned beach, swinging her hips over the waters as she neared the bank, sprinkles of contaminated water flinging off etherial thighs, and upon reaching the shore disappointed drooling onlookers by evaporating into thin air. She brought the pond with her, transforming the land into a bed of brown. The men at last realised their misdeed and fell to their knees, begging the danyang to return. Even had she heard them, her self-respect left them weeping, her knack for justice leaving their children susceptible to skin disease.

Thanks to modern pipelines, the people of Rongkop no longer rely solely on rainwater. The dry land reminds locals, in a way hard science might never manage, that lack of gratitude leads to lack of sustenance, and that blessings may come in filthy disguises.

Curiosity #71: A Spiritual Strain of Environmentalism

Uncategorized

There are some forests in the world where genies still exist. They hover in the shadows, heads grazing the canopies, on the look-out for fools keen on chopping down trees for profit. The genies, despite being hump-backed and saber-toothed, are just like you and I, and wish to dally away their lives free of fascist scumbags who think they know what’s what.

Central Java is one region where genies, and trees for that matter, have managed to hold their ground. In Wonosadi Forest, it’s known that whoever chops down trees for economic purposes will wake up a vegetable. Naughty teenagers who dare copulate in the bushes are mysteriously transported to public spaces where their sins might be exposed and ridiculed. For this reason people don’t mess with the beasts of nature, and it all traces back to an agreement maintained since the Middle Ages.

Back when the Majapahit Kingdom swept its authoritarian sovereignty over Indonesia (we’re talking between 1293 and 1500), there was a royal concubine named Roro Resmi who ran away with her two illigitimate children, seeking freedom from the royal bedroom and the confines of servitude. After a long time traveling West, she found haven in the womb of a formidable forest.

Roro Resmi was not alone in running. Together she and others escaping the Majapahit collaborated in building an outpost beside a stream in the center of the forest. But like with all new settlements, the land was already occupied; and like all other settlers, Roro Resmi and her followers had every intention of oppressing the natives in efforts to further their agenda of freedom.

But these natives weren’t human. They were genies the size of the trees themselves, governed under a king who took the form of a white tiger (with the strength of five elephants and the mercy of a B-52). Good thing Roro Resmi’s children had the magical powers to defeat the giants in a valiant display of underdog ferocity. Finally subdued, the genies entered into a civil negotiation. They agreed to subject themselves to coexistence with humans in exchange for health guarantees on behalf of the forest, which, since the humans’ cave-dwelling age, seemed to attract the attention of axe-carrying buffoons (to say nothing of future tractors).

And so the people of the forest raised ninjas. The genies built houses. And the humans and genies lived together happily ever after. At least until now.

Whoever says environmentalism doesn’t yet exist in Indonesia knows squat about this country, but the foundations of this environmentalism might not impress the pragmatists sitting at the UN round table, itself made of wood chopped down from only genies know where.

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Curiosity #48: Feast of the Sacrifice

Indonesia, Religion, Uncategorized

Thousands of years ago, Abraham raised a knife over his first-born son. The boy, trembling before his impending sacrifice, was spared when God decided He had witnessed loyalty enough. As Abe’s blade hovered high before the plunge, the Divine Hand traded the innocent boy for a farm animal, and so sheep’s blood was spilled FOR THE LORD.

Muslims today celebrate Abraham’s sacrifice during the festival of Eid al-Adha, also known as “Feast of the Sacrifice” or “Kurban.” Eid al-Adha praises the solemnity with which Abraham bore his faith and his blade. Every October, communities everywhere join in demonstrations of prayer and slaughter.

For this year’s celebration of Eid al-Adha, I went to the Javanese village of Magelang, where a middle-aged Muslim couple welcomed me into a home overlooking hills of unpicked rice. After serving a cup of milk coffee, the couple asked me about my origins. I learned that for over countless generations the couple’s extended family lived and died within a few hundred kilometers of where we sat. I should feel at home, they said.

Out of hospitality, or perhaps unwillingness to host an unveiled woman near unmarried men, the couple offered a bed in their brother’s palatial home: unoccupied since that part of the family moved to Malaysia. The “villa” as they called it, towered around the corner beside the village mosque. Mid-evening, as I brushed my hair in front of an ornamented mirror, the electricity failed me. In the blackness alone, I was haunted by piety left behind by the absent home owners: a ghost of predatory, secular-related guilt that pursued me in the bedroom from the main hall, where I knew there was a film-noir-style portrait of the lady of the house staring out beneath a stark black veil. My reservoir of sin had been detected. I was convinced I would die.

The guest room in the palatial home where I was asked to spend the night alone

The guest room in the palatial home where I was asked to spend the night alone

Instead I woke up at 5:30 in the morning and, shortly thereafter, was taken to the local mosque. I was accompanied by the host-couple’s daughter: a charismatic law student of 23. She taught me how to wear a veil. Because she was menstruating, she was not permitted to attend the mosque service, so the two of us sat beside her grandparents’ grave in a courtyard next to the mosque and listened to the Imam’s voice chanting from the loudspeakers. Beneath the mosque’s outer dome, the non-menstruating women closed their eyes and swayed.

After the conclusion of the official service, my host-sister and I were allowed to enter the mosque. Removing my shoes, I knelt beside the women who lingered to worship. Over the speakers the Imam sang a hymn and the worshippers held up their hands in a cup-like gesture, as if to collect something precious. I closed my eyes and tried to join them. As usual, I couldn’t raise my thoughts above Earth. To my best ability I attempted to shove aside my skepticism and pride and, in doing so, was able to meditate to the chants of the surrounding women. They sang divine praise in soothing vibrations. It was enough.

Later, the villagers congregated behind the mosque to watch the “Kurban” or slaughter ceremony. Upon entering the village clearing, I saw that a white cow, about the size of a car, had been roped beside a sizeable dirt hole.

Four men were required to bring down the beast. The cow struggled. Young men of the village rushed in from all sides to grab the animal’s limbs and stop the writhing. Finally accepting defeat, the cow lay still for the knife. Next to the beast, the Imam stood with a long blade in his right hand. Lifting his head up to the sky, the Imam bellowed the name of God: “Allahu Akbar.” God is the greatest. The voices of the congregants rose to join the cry. Many of the women and children held hands, and soon the whole community sang to God and His unlucky cow.

Cow down in the village clearing

Cow down in the village clearing

Before the knife was laid upon the animal, I stepped close to bid a private farewell. Looking at the cow’s eyes, the cow to my surprise did not seem far from peace. I wondered if it knew anything of the pain it would endure, or if — like a baby in the warm arms of a stranger — the cow found comfort in the hands of many men cupping its body as it lay at mercy. Perhaps the sturdiness of the animal’s captive state was just gentle enough for it to surrender and let go. I wondered how many living things, humans or beasts, were given the privilege of dying under the touch of so many warm-blooded creatures.

The actual slaughter, of course, was difficult to watch. I had never witnessed the death of an animal so large, and especially (forgive me) with a neck so thick. I stood at a distance so the spray of blood wouldn’t reach my white skirt, and for comfort I clutched the arm of my host-sister who, upon the first spatters of blood, gently took my head and brought it to rest upon her shoulder. Gaze now pointed slightly below the gruesome scene, I looked at the animal’s legs, which were elegantly crossed and shuddering. As the cow’s movements slowed to a halt, the village men kept their palms firmly on the hide, waiting for the pain of their victim to slip into God’s more merciful hands.

Sheep were brought forth by families who could afford the expense. The animals were hung from a pole, where prayers were administered and knives swiped. The children gathered and waved goodbye to the sheep waiting to die. Some little boys approached the sheep that were already dead and, with a crude and morbid bravery, grabbed ahold of the horns. With innocence the little boys pretended to “steer” the fallen sheep like motorbikes, and — despite the disconcerting disregard for pools of blood beneath their feet — such play made it admittedly easy for me to forget about death, or at least quell the concept as an afterthought.

Standing beside two sheep before they were led into the clearing for slaughter

Standing beside two sheep before they were led into the clearing for slaughter

As the morning wore on, the Imam’s white t-shirt became increasingly red. Between each slaughter, the Imam descended a flight of steps into the mosque washroom to splash water on himself and to sharpen his knife. Upon each request to bless another sacrifice, the Imam ascended the steps like a gladiator.

The village Imam standing over the cow

The village Imam standing over the cow

After the death of all animal offerings, the cow and sheep were skinned. I watched the skinning process with reluctant fascination.

Men crowding around the cow during the skinning process

Men crowding around the cow during the skinning process

At last the meat was evenly distributed in plastic bags to the villagers without regard for financial status or religious affiliation. Beside me older men gossiped and smiled amongst themselves. Winking at my host mother, they suggested the prospect of marrying me off to a nice Muslim man from the village.

Standing at the side of the clearing with the older village men

Standing at the side of the clearing with the older village men

In the morning before leaving Magelang, my host father sat beside me at the coffee table. He encouraged me to bring my parents for a visit to his village. “We are not terrorists,” he said, smiling.

I assured my host-father that not all Americans associated Islam with either violence or terrorism. I also told him that perhaps the greatest hospitality I had ever received was from Muslims in Indonesia. My host father grinned broadly. “Bring your family here to my village and they will see we are a friendly people,” he said. “Bring them here and we will make them feel at home.”

I wondered what it meant to “feel at home” in a place where people unified under a common religion with which none of one’s loved ones identified. And I wondered at how a village so protective of its modesty might approach other members of my culture who found the greatest fulfillment in being — in every way — unveiled.

But then I observed my host-father’s earnest smile, which was in no way burdened by my partially exposed skin, bare head of hair, or even my lack of religious affiliation (which I had admitted upon my first night of arrival). His smile reflected an openness I envied: an openness to accept anyone outside his family as his own blood, to respect all individuals regardless of what spiritual plane they were bound for. It was this realization that made me wonder if I could ever bring myself to return to Magelang: not because I didn’t feel I could belong, but because I didn’t feel worthy of kindness suitable for someone far purer of heart.

The interior of the mosque after the conclusion of holiday services. Here, the the village men took their breakfast.

The interior of the mosque after the conclusion of holiday services. Here, the the village men took their breakfast.

Socializing in the mosque

Socializing in the mosque

My host-sister and I at the conclusion of the Kurban ceremony

My host-sister and I at the conclusion of the Kurban ceremony